Developer: Panic Barn
Publisher: No More Robots
Release Date: November 29th, 2022
Platforms: Xbox, PlayStation, Switch & PC
Reviewed on: Xbox Series X & PC
▫️ Code provided by the publisher ▫️
The premise behind Panic Barn’s latest game is a scary one, to say the least. A world without football. It’s bad enough when you have to go eight weeks in the summer with no international tournament every second year. Imagine not having the joy of Messi, the brilliance of Ronaldo, the power of Haaland or the forehead of Maguire. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
The game kicks off with a mysterious ‘calamity’ happening during the big Apple Cup final, leading to the beautiful game being outlawed altogether. At this point, an old man who played in the game is essentially taken prisoner and put to work, while the others are sent back to their communities to live a life devoid of football. The individual pulling these strings? Bep Jatter – complete with pantomime villain top hat. A cracking dig at FIFA bigwig Sepp Blatter.
It is at this point that our journey really begins. You get the option of choosing between brother and sisters twins, both named Kai. There are no stats advantages to selecting either and so it just comes down to an aesthetic preference. Out of nowhere, a magic ball smashes through your bedroom window, which sets you on an adventure filled with interesting characters, side quests, collectables and of course the odd game of football.
You’ll spend most of your time off the pitch and exploring the various beautiful locales the game has to offer with your new trusty magic ball to help you in all manner of ways. The ball can be easily summoned or put away with a tap of the Y button and if you kick it away you can recall it, so thankfully the game doesn’t turn into a game of fetch at any point. There are targets to hit, hidden nets to score in at, sharks trying to attack kids that need a ball off the face… you know, normal stuff. You have a precision aim shot that works well via the right stick, and a trusty slide tackle that will for example unearth coins. Most tasks in the world will be completed by shooting, tackling or running which all feel great aside from certain timed shooting events where I did encounter some frustration. Oh, and a volleyball mini-game which was brutal.
Among all this fun side content you are trying to convince those around you to restart grassroots football. Getting a team together isn’t too difficult, and your first actual match is against the local toddlers. Yes, actual toddlers. The gameplay on the pitch is fairly simple and while it has its charm, it was easily the weakest part of the game for me. AI goalkeepers are absolute ninjas from anything remotely considered within shooting distance. A handy hint at one point even suggests you may have to wear the goalkeepers down with shots to get a goal. Instead, I found the method that wielded the best results was having a pop from close to the halfway line as the keeper would often dive way too early.
The game has a great sense of progression. You unlock different kinds of boots as you progress through the story which allows you to enter different areas such as the beach. You also have stats you can upgrade such as speed and shot power which also helps to reach higher collectables with your ball. Panic Barn has done a great job of drip-feeding you progress constantly, which leads to you always wanting to just finish off one more task before you call it a night.
I spoke about the visuals earlier, but they deserve to be brought up again. The pixel art in this game made it a joy to play from start to finish. The world is detailed and the cast of characters both look great and have lots of entertaining and funny lines. A good example of the game’s humour is the two boys in the town square each protesting for the sport to be called football or soccer. Or the old-age pensioners that you lure out of retirement with energy drinks.
The 1000G or platinum trophy will come naturally as your progress through the game and you should polish it off nicely when you win the big cup at the end. It isn’t the most inventive list, but it encompasses many of the activities in the game and despite a few annoying difficulty spikes it all feels manageable.
Value: The game launches at £15.99 which is a good price for the amount of content on offer. If the game clicks, you’ll spend hours meeting the various characters and ticking off objectives everywhere you go. It’s also worth noting that the game launched on Xbox Game Pass and is available on that service at no extra cost.
When the soccer (I’ll begrudgingly use the word for this analogy) is the worst part of a game called Soccer Story you’d be forgiven for thinking it would be a miss. Not so. A interesting cast of characters, plenty of fun tasks, a beautiful art style and more come together to make this a blast to play.
-Craig 🧐